A Letter

Dearest, 

I wish to express to you my deepest gratitude for the understanding, compassion, and kindness you have shown me these last few weeks.  You have spent so much time with me in the late hours of the night, waking up much earlier than you otherwise would, and despite the other things in your life that are important.  I feel so grateful for the support you have given me through the most difficult part of my life so far.  You have helped me to feel a sense of relief and healing by listening to what I have to share and by allowing me to listen to what you have to share.  I will always cherish the memories I have of our time together, though I sincerely hope this is not the last time I will see you. Thank you so much for everything.

With love,

Shane Wolff

7/19/15

Recently, I have been feeling the urge and need to destruct my rigidity, both emotionally and intellectually.  These urges have been manifesting in a resurgent connection between my adult ego mind infrastructure and my childhood artistic  aspirations, such as drumming, writing, and painting.
During the drudgery of the modern acceptable work schedules, I find myself emotionally exhausted and a complete lack of passion for anything, thus turning me to my last untamed vice: grand strategy games.  Yet on my off weeks I manage to gain enough momentum emotionally to begin to do something to improve myself, when all of a sudden the brick wall of "I work tomorrow" pops up and deflates any bit of hope you had for progress. It feels as though I am being teased with the sweet honey of happiness through emotional progress and then smashed in the face with a bag of wrenches when I get to close. Honestly though it's this last turn that I find myself unable to usurp. I feel the need to play these games because I feel as though if I can change the fate of the people of the country I play, to that of unity and oneness with the world, then maybe someone can feel that sweet honey even if they are only digital.
Perhaps this is a misplaced and pathetic attempt at compassionate actions, which has been the focus of every bit of the philosophy books I have been reading for years.  Yet this would never even come close to working because thinking rationally, this is uncovered quite simply
Ok time to try to do digital art in photoshop.

4/20/15

Hollow reverberations adrift in a shallow, dead, salty brine of a lake,
Sucking the life from the soil, bursting its breath, a moon beam,
Floating away on a limb of a once proud coniferous, asphyxiated,
Ripples from an unknown origin changing the very direction of its path,
Incurable and nearly meaningless, these patterns interrupt a primal striving,
A hope of a kind, disrupted and reconfigured, re-contextualized, reiterated,
Bled from the very being that birthed it forth and raised it up,
Quartered and drawn forth for the sake of something misunderstood.

To put this out is to never go back,
Reaching into a known snare to feel again,
Familiar and comforting yet still a vice,
Reviving and reconstructing years of work,
Only to be done again and again and again.

4/9/15

When the edge of my uncertainty shaves you away from me in a jittery pace,
            a depth of weight becomes increasingly reciprocal to that daily race,
the balances of the judge ripping me yet further from your embrace,
       with The Dream bending at its foundation shattering past each case.

I feel as though I am constantly searching for the next best idea for my own,
        personal development as a man, a husband, brother, and uncle,
whilst neglecting the only one who can truly help me reach my ideal goal for,
                                   who I am trying to be.

Then a premonition overcomes and engulfs me from behind blackly.
We delve into the schema that we are unhappy with where we are despite knowing it is really the enslavement of employment that has become the poison thorn keeping me from you.
Then the fear of leaving my family is there to truncate the growth of The Dream, too.

3/22/15

The nature of humans being good, bad, both, neither.  Valuation of individuals based on presumption and superficial characteristics.  Inherent worth and understanding not implied upon conceptualization of another.  How can our nature be that of selfishness.  Misunderstandings of Neo-Darwinian pseudo-economists perpetuating systemic oppression on the basis of all demographics else white upper middle class males. To really cause change. What must be done.  I wish only to live in a world where people are honest, willing to grow as a person, open to novelty, and willing to abandon any assumptions proven false or obsolete.

3/3/15

The wounding rift of her insecurity, prescribed by my inattentive self preservative tendencies, has begun to experience healing in flux but is predetermined by the ability of my own emotions to self coagulate.

Frigid ignorance, causing the crystallization of an ill informed vector, to be as a frothy snow upon the majesty and magnificence of the vast taiga that was discovered to be her understandings.

I had a friend tell me that I should write for a living, I had my partner tell me that I should teach for a living, I had my family tell me to work a respectable profession for a living, I must tell myself to be happy for a living and do all I can to radiate good vibrations to all I interact with.  How can I best serve my fellow man? How can I pass on my understandings to positively affect change for the future?

More to come.

2/25/15

A man must fail an additional 100 times,
Simply to understand why he failed the first.
A genius is a man who can in 99.

But if I was so dumb, I'd need 101,
Well, goddamn, that'd be just fine.