Cry

I can't cry, not even for a second,
Pain is deep within, but I can't,
Trying to force it out of me,
Never quite works right inside,

It's still lingering in my dreams,
The thought of what pains me,
Dipping into what I need,
But never comes out clean,

Pleasant thoughts drift,
Out of sight out of thought,
Out of what causes me to be,
And into the abyss of nothing.

7/4/2012

This piece of shit,
Wakes up puking,
Drinks too much,
Forcing his memories,
Up to the bottom,
Fascinated with his,
Dreams of nothing,
Still sick with desires,
And suppression of,
Real and true will,
The self is nothing,
Throwing up the dead,
Passing it on to others,
Wishing they the same,
But just diseased with,
What is consumption,

A Man's Common Problem

"I am just so proud of how your doing,
It is not an easy thing to be done,
You have so much strength in this,
And your integrity flows like water,
You've really taken control of your life,
What you are doing takes discipline,
Courage, disconnection and selfishness,
I am just so proud of what you become,
And I love you."

Demotivation is what this does.
A man is just a man is a man is man,
Why should "achievements" of mine,
Have any connotation good or bad?

Praise of what I cannot otherwise have done,
A disrespect that is intolerable,
Yet explanation of this causes pain,
Which is forbidden to man,

 So is it that we place others,
Emotions ahead of our own?
Man can handle this burden,
Because there is no validity,

In what is said to man!

So where does one start

So where does one start?
The bushes, trees, or meadows,
To find what one ought,
Be lifted from shadows,
Drought!
Panic stricken monkeys,
All tangled and unbound,
With tears that just hang,

So where does one start?
With meditation and sip tea,
To break yourself apart,
Recollect, connect and free,
But dreams,
Plaguing one with love,
Becoming the truly real
Awaking even more depressed,

So where does one start?
Fall into the escape, dear,
Jump on that band cart,
And forsake anything clear,
Death,
That shall grip soul,
Ignorant peons sing,
Finding only what is near.

Zen

The void that fills you,
Emptiness felt, yet unknown,
Peace, life is to live.

6/25/2012

Throwing up again,
Just sick with nerves,
Sleepless and recovering,
It is not what he deserves,
Love comes and goes,
So he keeps walking,
Watching every root,
Shriviling in his decay,
Another round,
Forcing its way up,
Vomit just dripping,
Sticking to the toilet,
And sadness setting in,
So he keeps walking,
Dealing with it,
One day at a time,
Like a man should.

A Very Unhappy Fellow

He buys another drink
Just to waste his life away
Sipping on gin and thinking
Who even wants to live anyways
Finishes and orders another
His addiction gets the better
Gin and juice to heal the soul
Became his motto years ago
Finishes and orders another
Slipping through his night
One gulp at a time, true
Talking to anyone he sees tonight
They pity the animal every time
But they buy one for him
So that he can make the climb
He is crying about his life
His grown children and dying wife
This is how he chooses to live
Just finishes and orders another