The Hallways

I'm walking ever so carefully down a fully loaded hallway
Dreams of moon drippings slipping through my toes like mud
The diamond that's stuck in my eye scratches a bit but don't
I can feel every step I take driving nails deeper and deeper in
And the core of my being osculating like a yolk inside an egg
It feels like I stub a different toe with the next step, but not

I'm lost in these hallways, mutilating myself unintentionally
My existence is within these walls, confined and weeping daily
Deeper in I withdraw, whirling inside myself to attempt an escape
To retreat from the demons of this life that provoke me deeper
I should have stuck to my roots, my place of strength, my home
Yet here I am, springing down the depths of an impossible reality

Its dark, but I only realize this through my memories of cartoon life
My yolk is leaking out a bit as I lose my mind through dreams
Taking over my being, they prevent my circadian from self actualization
With the moon as my only stability, it drives me like a machine
This is what I am subject too? this cannot be what life is meant to be
What existence is, and if it is, then I want no part of this life

A ray of light blinds me, it burns as I havn't seen light in years
Creaking of a enormous door, materialized while I least expect it
She pushes it in, provoking me to step out, and I am willing
My strength through this life is now summoned from my soul to act
Trials of integrity, like adrenaline, boosts my natural virgin reality
To have this drawn from me, the feeling unreal, is to love

Thoughts from 8/7/11

It was the kind of day where you stub the same toe what seems like a hundred times. I had a cold chill that i couldnt shake off and a blue spot on my heart. Sitting alone for 44.4 minutes, i contemplated the value of modern existence. I held my breathe to prevent my weeping from the implications of what it ment for my own life. "Humans are not supposed to live this way." I say to myself. The constant reinforcement and following beating for the same action. Leaving me in a perpetual state of confusion, depressed about how life is these days. To what higher level can i attain? To what level am i imagining this? To what extent do i just want a more purposeful life to be the norm? Crying silently to myself, aided only by Floyd, I drift through thoughts and conclude that the only way to be happy is to love. For love is the great distracter of everything else that is shitty in this world.

6/13/11

I am a nothing. Hollow as decayed tree. Spongy insides that crumble. Diseased past formal recognition. I am broken inside. I am not stable.

Whisking winds dribble past my frame and wash away all that's left. Particles of who I once was set adrift on the cold northern winds that once gave me the only comfort I knew. The only truth that can be true, awareness of self existence. Breezes come and go, tearing part by part the matter I was.

To bleed is beautiful. Liquid red velvet drips. Scarlet life drains out. I used to cut. I needed to feel. Raging river of heme. Pouring out my tears.

The release attained by self mutilation cannot be sustained or achieved by anything else. Once you grip the emotion you never let it go. The layers of self created by letting can plague you by resurfacing. Yet its poison because you never quite get what you need from it, forcing you to cut again. and again.

To trigger uncontrolled again. Thy tears yet fall. No cure set stable. Thoughts can save me. Thoughts can kill me. Elegant despair refrained actions. I cannot smile alone.

Retrain

Rretrain tthe brain to just react
Uninhibited from experiences past
Within a developed sense of self
And a realization of real world reality...
Rretrain tthe brain to accept
Rather than except in singularities
Disregard unreasonable justification
If you do, you do, If you don't, you don't
Rretrain tthe brain for proper life
Experiential in nature and exciting
Prone to variation and novelty
To dwell no upon the self but others
Rrretrain ttthe brain to live.

The Rescue

Stuckkkkkk in flux adrift on a seasalted log
Waves lick on the cracked dri skin
Vastness overwhelms and allies upon itself
Pondering the consumption of yours truly
The overall plot has an untested depth
Possibly a complexity that is incomprehensible
I sttutuuuter with a lack of confidence
Just wreaking of low self esteem.
Yet totally unaware of the fact
A single dingy of a weathered yellow hue
Rocking slowly towards me as a refuge!
Withered olde man, grey in face, hello
Reach to lift me from my log-ed fate
Grasp with all my might, all my soul
With a whispery transparent voice he calls,
"Wake up, you are in a dream, we miss you"

Adult Birth

Fetus in a womb, suspended in fluid
My own tank of prenatal thoughts
To be birthed into life I must sacrifice
Most the ideas I have been marinating in
Birth brings growth, and growth understanding
With understanding comes knowledge
Then hopefully happiness will follow
So to forsake my prior beliefs
I risk giving up all I have but in return
May end up gaining what I desire
This condition of humanity is gross
Covering all beings, most still in the dark
Plague of ignorance that is rotting our souls
And aborting the minds of the great underdeveloped
If I even speak one word of the truth
My soul shall be satisfied,
At least I know how to speak then.
Most cannot even understand what is said
Or even recognize they are being spoken to
So I'm set for birth, bursting forth with vigor
Perhaps I would enjoy steeping in the fluid a bit
Just so I remember the comfort of previous
Eventually I must chew the umbilical cord
And crawl away a true individual ready to grow

Coffeehouseseat

Twistest the twigs of branched shrub
Dripps of water hange from
Since le rain de after dawn
Life buddeding through its tips
Anti-blanched from tension l'eau
Ode to moss of the arbor grown
Always a companions life to it
Lets, the dropping drovided a wind
Blown northern breeze for the fall
Grips untill freeze, n'er to arrive

Alas, days pasts, plants lasts
Bright with sunbeams drip
Tis a fluids all its own
Dries and dried like fruit
Still succulent and life given
Groundd anti-whetted and forgotten
Wishes for moon streamed existence
Seen in the last bits of snow allowed
Family to familiar felt, melt
Added final, a connexion completed