4/14/13

These last few months have been quite rough comparatively to the past few years. I have been dealing with the fact that I find many of the institutions within the healthcare system to be morally impaired to put it nicely. This realization has put stress on my educational pursuits because I am currently studying to be a Clinical  Laboratory Scientist, but I am double majoring with Philosophy which allows me to still graduate with a degree if I choose to drop the health professional pursuit.  Another factor that has been pushing me to drop the CLS degree is that I am feeling like I am putting in so much effort and working very hard to do well, but consistently scoring in the bottom bracket of my class.  I am feeling the stress of trying repeatedly but failing to score in the percentile that I would feel comfortable with.
I am so grateful for the support that Fione is showing me these months. She has been a huge part of the reason why I have survived as long as I have through this stressful time.  Fione is the kind of girl who will bend over backwards for me, pushing herself incredibly hard simply to give me a small comfort, and after she has done all she can think of she goes on to ask me if I need anything else. She is the kindest woman that I have had the pleasure to meet in my life, second only to my own mother who is a saint. Fione has had such a tremendous impact on my life in the short time I have known her, truly showing me what it is to love another person mind, body, and soul.  I even tell her that she is too good for me, but I know that I can be the man she needs me to be.  It will be hard for me to face the demons of my past but she will be there with me every step of the way with her endless compassion.  She has shown me a kind of love that I have never experienced and a kind that I don't think I could ever find again if I tried.  So to you Fione, lover, best friend, and grounder of my thoughts, I love you.

Survey

I know this is not a normal post for me, but this is a link to a survey that I decided to make using questions I got from a documentary called, "What A Way To Go: Life at the End of Empire." Please take some time to just answer a few true/false questions if your interested.
http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/VBRBCZM

To My Love, Winter

Sweet kiss of winters wisp,
Sapping away my heart slowly,
My heart belongs to another,
But winter is persistent,
Frail white flakes belittle me,
Slick, slippery ice nibbles me,
The cruel torrent of torment,
Dribbling in disguise,
As a maiden's sweet kiss,
I'm called back to fraught,
Whet with despise and lust,
The signature of the premature,
Attachment of a simple kind.

Why is it that we,
You and me, can't be,
As we each see, civil,
Tearing at one another,
In massive successions,
Dear Winter, loathe of my life,
Will we love one another,
As husband and wife?

1/16/13

I keep searching,
Thinking their would be a reason,
Even one thing to keep me from acting,
From professing my love to you.

I realize how protective I am,
The times i have given so much and lost,
Crimes of others that you pay for,
And i know it is rightly unfair.

All we have is our time together,
To build this foundation, to grow,
Supporting one another's pursuits,
We travel a road familiar yet foreign to me.

Despite my reservations and defenses,
My happiness is boundless,
The potential prospects near infinite,
Dreams becoming all too real.

11/21/12

Tension disintegrates the will,

Barriers once held now pulsing,

As I float through the amniotic pill,

That for a time was a blessing,

 

The puss-oozing shattered heart,

Green metallic sheen gleams bright,

Decomposing the bits of me, 

To nourish other cozen lovers, 

There must be a cure for this ill,

Frantically arriving nowhere twice, 

Still, I yearn for my antibiotic dream,

A light in my life, in the most cliche, 

Before I have described it as,

Traveling through tunnels, crypts, 

Growing, death, rebirth, or rest,

And my memories severs the clips. 

11/16/12

Suddenly I was pierced by a trusting pair of eyes,
Gleaming through my defenses like I was five again,
The gaze penetrated my soul and brought it out,
When a fish swallows a hook too deeply, instinctual,
The guts come bursting forth without any shame,
Staring into my pooling tears a gentle I Love You,
Shattered mechanisms of isolating distance reflexes,
I show who I am, who I am becoming, who I used to be,
A question apolemic and yet in contentious connexion,
Reality can only exist if there is a Nothing in comparison,
Feeling wrenched, without the decency of a solvent,
I'm in a natural human predicament, reason vs. emotion,
And as long as those gorgeous orbits grasp my contortion,
Rationality is overcome by a tide of acceptance.

I do find myself in a most peculiar set of circumstances,
With this notre nouvel amour sowing zygotic plants,
My deepest desire is to find sufficient evidence,
That the seedlings are being sown equally in both gardens,
And that dialogue may continue to present itself mutually,
Here ladies and gentlemen, the spectacle of reason,
In a relationship of necessary connexion with emotion!
Come one, come all to see this freak show develop!
It's a once and a lifetime opportunity, and the tickets are free!
Either way, the fruits will be eaten when ripened to perfexion,
And just maybe we can be satisfied.

An exercise within the constructs of western morality

GLUTAL GRIPS HOTTER LEVY WHEN TONED STURDY

Pride: Total delusion that I am better than anyone else, that my life is more important.
Wrath: Perceptions of power beyond means and despite ends, with no regard towards reality.
Gluttony: Over consumption of physical, mental, emotional, or carnal manifestations.
Lust: Allowance of physical, mental, emotional, or carnal manifestations to consume all energy and presence.
Envy: Malicious reactions to jealousy paired with delusions of self.
Greed: Desires of acquisition of things beyond the reach of the realistic and reasonable with disregard for the well being of others.
Sloth: Total rejection of the basic desires and instincts needed for survival in favor of unhealthy inaction.