Marq11

I am just a shell of the man I wish I could be. Damaged and defiled. Not even a shell, a shadow of the shell of what I wish I was. It seems that I mess up in every aspect of my life and that really is a killer of self esteem. This circular viciousness has no end accept for death. Seeing as I am unwilling and unable to kill myself, I must live in pain and suffer for what I have done in a past life. These dry tears that I cannot cry are a symbol of the pain that I have caused and received. The only tears I feel really can comfort me are those cried in blood. I haven't felt normal for the past few days now and I'm starting to get worried. Worried because my normal feeling is severe depression and anxiety, now I feel these even more so and on top of that I feel like I'm only viewing life through a haze of pseudo feelings. I have almost lost my entire sex drive. The only person who reverses that for me I feel doesn't even find me attractive. I try so hard to make her happy, to help her not be stressed out, to give her anything she needs, but the physical connexion doesn't come. What would anyone have me do in this situation. Sometimes I feel like I give the whole of myself to things in my life and end up disappointed or rejected. I am just another person that you pass on the sidewalks of the city you wish you could escape. A nobody. Until you look into my eyes and see the pain I feel. It makes you reexamine how you feel about your life and gives you a positive perspective. Only problem is that the only other person that ever helped me in that way now goes to school over four hours away and I miss him almost every day. I wish I wasn't a shadow of a shell of a human. The only thing I have to live for is my family. I have no beast companions, hardly a serious attempt at a life partner, and almost every friend I've made in the last year would find it painful to even have lunch with me, regardless if it would make my day or not. So I drink to you and your happiness. May you live forever in bliss without having to see the pain of those around you. Don't even dare have pity on people like me or do stupid awareness days because honestly that makes me feel even more shitty that normal.

Marq10

Standing alone at night, darkness gripping
It rains, torrential
Naked and abandon even by rejexion
A building at my back
Standard building, nothing special
Dirt road at my ventral
Each drop that falls
It eats at the earth
Displacing her
Seems like slow motion drops
I look right, nothing
Feel chills run up my mortal spine
Look left
Eight feet and six and one quarter inches away
Floating in its cloak
One fluorescent yellow eye glows off center
No limbs visible
Probably because the moon has forsaken
I turn to it
Opens the cloak slow and drops it off
The creature had a scythe faced rodent style
Torso close to human
But rotting limbs
The legs looked more bovine than anything
One of the rodent ears was cut circularly
The beast telepathically spoke to me
This is what it sayd,
"All your life you have been exiled by most, these days are over. You have been chosen. Chosen!"
With that he was gone
I am left alone
Naked and abandon even by rejection
Forsaken by the moon no more
And the rain had stopped

Marq9

Lucid day walking dreams of the semi comfortable
Trip through my liquefied existing mind
Plasmic tears on an underdeveloped
Melts the face right off you slowly
Its iridescent in respect to metamorphical
Or physical implications of modernity
Maternity of this horrific main stream culture
Hash burn scar trickles down her face
As if the simple H2O was its leader
Do you know how I mean? Truth
Erratic functions of surface area and time
Differentiated on the assumed basic ground
Trembling as I sip on the Fufu Jones
After feels like I was released from my chrysalis
Stepping out with my ladder legs
And my spider wing forearms glistening bright
The wings imprinted with a psycotropic
Four dimensional chromatephore Iris eye
Yellow whites and an inverse triangle pupil
The insignia of an unchosen path
Vivid day walking dreams of the presemicomfortable

Marq8

How does anything happen?
To what point does it exist?
Does existence mean to feel
Or to sense possible surroundings
Judge the depth of the perception
Rocking the fiber of it all
Who is real and who disappears
Is temptation the desire for existence?
The need to feel alive
What does it mean to be alive
And who decides this answer
Why feel pain?
Just to put pleasure into perspective?
That's a sad excuse for suffering
Why has reality never evaporated?
Finally had enough and just left?
Who decided reality was even real?
This planet is backward

Marq7

Sitting in the mist of city population
Alone and stark plumages
I feel the slow drippings
Of the love I have left inside
Going unabsorbed because of internal doubt
This is a genocide of my heart
I wish I wasn't here.
I wish I could evaporate
And rain down where winds go
But I'm left in this unidimensional
Shivering in medium heat,
But overheated in freezing
When I close my eyes next to her
My mind burrows into her soul
Deeply and questioning, how deep?
All it sees is bottomlessness
This is comforting to a degree
And really troubling in another

Marq6

A momentary relapse
Of sudden unproportional
Slipping deep to dreams of you
Dream the dream of epidermal
Sickening the intensions of pure
Distraught in distinguishing
Intensions of deprivation
All of a sudden it hits you
Like Atlas drops the ball
She doesn't love you
Never has or will
So you vomit in disbelief
Even if you find truth

Marq5

The gentle blowing snowy wind
Tickles my lonely face
Cold but comforting
The flakes grip my skin
Holding on to me to melt
Because the flurries know
They are safe with me
Safe from the salt of earth
From the steps of man
And the carelessness
I welcome the refugees
Appreciate what they recognize
And try to find solidarity
The beauty of snowfalls
Each flake representing someone
When they melt, they die
But as they fall, they live
When my flake meets me
It falls onto a single tear
That is traveling down my chin
Dying before it is dead
But living through tears
Giving a different perception
Because the tear I cry
Is a tear for you