A bookcase.

Over the past few months my partner and I have been having a civilized yet non-productive discussion about whether or not to buy a third bookcase for our apartment and many, many books.  Last night we sat down and the topic came up again over a delicious Longjing tea, which my brother bought for us while he was touring China, when I realized that I had failed to communicate exactly why I had felt the bookcase was not a good idea.  I told her that I felt like the place would be much to crowded by furniture and that it would turn the room into a choking enclosure. She expressed to me that she felt bad that the books were homeless, as if they had a human quality to them, and in fact she felt as if they were as children to her because of how much joy she felt they gave to her over her life.  After months and months of saying no I finally understood why she wanted it and began to cry.  I cried because of her love for the books, for my instant change of position on the topic, for my realization of trust in her, that I have come to know love in a way I have never known possible, for the excitement that there is more to come of that feeling and growth.  I cried because I was afraid to be that close to someone, for the feeling of vulnerability of my own self, and again because the realization of the trust I had in her to nurture my conquering of vulnerabilities towards openness. The feeling of knowing you are growing as a person and becoming comfortable with another person enough to allow your growth to be intertwined and inseparable has become the most incredible feeling to me. It is unlike anything I have known before and it is the most motivating thing I have ever felt. I feel as if I want to be the absolute best partner I can be for my wife, lover, friend, and life partner.  I know that will mean a lot more growth and change, but I want to take it on optimistically and with full awareness of the potential of regression, but to allow the forgiveness to myself to again grow past that.  I have been unimaginably fortunate to have met my wife and to have somehow stumbled through to marry her.  I love her and I love myself and I love our relationship and that will be what my whole life will be about with conscious intentional growth constantly in mind.   So after I took this inspiring detour of a thought, I told her that I want her to have any bookcase she wanted and that we will go and get it as soon as we are able to. I suspect there will be many more bookcases in our future and many more instances of pure love.