Hopefully

don't you realize how much this means
paining me is ignorance for everyone
i thought, except you, until now
never catching a break from misery
loneliness, separation, isolation, insanity wins
releasing begins to falter under the mass
bottling up how i feel so life goes on
regretting nothing but planning carefully
i wish i was happy, but its impossible
even she has hurt me now, never
it didn't hurt, but it felt deep to me
she doesn't understand just how good
it hurt, but then it didn't
i pass it through my system repairing
the pain then amplified by intense rejection
it barely recognizes how it burns
all i can get is, don't be mad
not even a true apology to it or me
perhaps it is me, putting emphasis to it
that's what the elder would tell me
before the elder met a cruel end
i disbelieve the elder, its twisted and sick
figure out this mess, i will compete to finish
all will be well soon enough for me
hopefully