Marq11

I am just a shell of the man I wish I could be. Damaged and defiled. Not even a shell, a shadow of the shell of what I wish I was. It seems that I mess up in every aspect of my life and that really is a killer of self esteem. This circular viciousness has no end accept for death. Seeing as I am unwilling and unable to kill myself, I must live in pain and suffer for what I have done in a past life. These dry tears that I cannot cry are a symbol of the pain that I have caused and received. The only tears I feel really can comfort me are those cried in blood. I haven't felt normal for the past few days now and I'm starting to get worried. Worried because my normal feeling is severe depression and anxiety, now I feel these even more so and on top of that I feel like I'm only viewing life through a haze of pseudo feelings. I have almost lost my entire sex drive. The only person who reverses that for me I feel doesn't even find me attractive. I try so hard to make her happy, to help her not be stressed out, to give her anything she needs, but the physical connexion doesn't come. What would anyone have me do in this situation. Sometimes I feel like I give the whole of myself to things in my life and end up disappointed or rejected. I am just another person that you pass on the sidewalks of the city you wish you could escape. A nobody. Until you look into my eyes and see the pain I feel. It makes you reexamine how you feel about your life and gives you a positive perspective. Only problem is that the only other person that ever helped me in that way now goes to school over four hours away and I miss him almost every day. I wish I wasn't a shadow of a shell of a human. The only thing I have to live for is my family. I have no beast companions, hardly a serious attempt at a life partner, and almost every friend I've made in the last year would find it painful to even have lunch with me, regardless if it would make my day or not. So I drink to you and your happiness. May you live forever in bliss without having to see the pain of those around you. Don't even dare have pity on people like me or do stupid awareness days because honestly that makes me feel even more shitty that normal.

Marq10

Standing alone at night, darkness gripping
It rains, torrential
Naked and abandon even by rejexion
A building at my back
Standard building, nothing special
Dirt road at my ventral
Each drop that falls
It eats at the earth
Displacing her
Seems like slow motion drops
I look right, nothing
Feel chills run up my mortal spine
Look left
Eight feet and six and one quarter inches away
Floating in its cloak
One fluorescent yellow eye glows off center
No limbs visible
Probably because the moon has forsaken
I turn to it
Opens the cloak slow and drops it off
The creature had a scythe faced rodent style
Torso close to human
But rotting limbs
The legs looked more bovine than anything
One of the rodent ears was cut circularly
The beast telepathically spoke to me
This is what it sayd,
"All your life you have been exiled by most, these days are over. You have been chosen. Chosen!"
With that he was gone
I am left alone
Naked and abandon even by rejection
Forsaken by the moon no more
And the rain had stopped

Marq9

Lucid day walking dreams of the semi comfortable
Trip through my liquefied existing mind
Plasmic tears on an underdeveloped
Melts the face right off you slowly
Its iridescent in respect to metamorphical
Or physical implications of modernity
Maternity of this horrific main stream culture
Hash burn scar trickles down her face
As if the simple H2O was its leader
Do you know how I mean? Truth
Erratic functions of surface area and time
Differentiated on the assumed basic ground
Trembling as I sip on the Fufu Jones
After feels like I was released from my chrysalis
Stepping out with my ladder legs
And my spider wing forearms glistening bright
The wings imprinted with a psycotropic
Four dimensional chromatephore Iris eye
Yellow whites and an inverse triangle pupil
The insignia of an unchosen path
Vivid day walking dreams of the presemicomfortable

Marq8

How does anything happen?
To what point does it exist?
Does existence mean to feel
Or to sense possible surroundings
Judge the depth of the perception
Rocking the fiber of it all
Who is real and who disappears
Is temptation the desire for existence?
The need to feel alive
What does it mean to be alive
And who decides this answer
Why feel pain?
Just to put pleasure into perspective?
That's a sad excuse for suffering
Why has reality never evaporated?
Finally had enough and just left?
Who decided reality was even real?
This planet is backward

Marq7

Sitting in the mist of city population
Alone and stark plumages
I feel the slow drippings
Of the love I have left inside
Going unabsorbed because of internal doubt
This is a genocide of my heart
I wish I wasn't here.
I wish I could evaporate
And rain down where winds go
But I'm left in this unidimensional
Shivering in medium heat,
But overheated in freezing
When I close my eyes next to her
My mind burrows into her soul
Deeply and questioning, how deep?
All it sees is bottomlessness
This is comforting to a degree
And really troubling in another

Marq6

A momentary relapse
Of sudden unproportional
Slipping deep to dreams of you
Dream the dream of epidermal
Sickening the intensions of pure
Distraught in distinguishing
Intensions of deprivation
All of a sudden it hits you
Like Atlas drops the ball
She doesn't love you
Never has or will
So you vomit in disbelief
Even if you find truth

Marq5

The gentle blowing snowy wind
Tickles my lonely face
Cold but comforting
The flakes grip my skin
Holding on to me to melt
Because the flurries know
They are safe with me
Safe from the salt of earth
From the steps of man
And the carelessness
I welcome the refugees
Appreciate what they recognize
And try to find solidarity
The beauty of snowfalls
Each flake representing someone
When they melt, they die
But as they fall, they live
When my flake meets me
It falls onto a single tear
That is traveling down my chin
Dying before it is dead
But living through tears
Giving a different perception
Because the tear I cry
Is a tear for you

Marq4

Electric in fluorescent palpitation
Grip for something solid that is intangible
Anxiety is flourishing and unsettled
Slip inside an exotonic environment
And a truth may be released to you
In modern persecutions, sing of cause
But the stench of indignity prevails

Marq3

I am a sacrificial lamb, stuck deep inside an unforgiving torrent of an emotionally self inflicted violence, it sucks me into the clutches of a murderous thought, that i, myself as a person, might love again some day. Thoughts of a society of semi decent judgement just never comes to pass, all glowing in a selfish desire of the next guy that wants to fuck your brains out. Why must the strong individual suffer, why must the timid bleed tears of infinite pain. As i sit alone, in a cold shadowed room, i find myself unable to cry at all, though in a past time, real tears would have come to stay. i bring this upon myself with my lack of confidence, self esteem and brutally weak social skills. these thoughts of fitting in are just smoky dreams, ones that are enticing but just never include reality. the thoughts are not comforting, nor periodic in nature, but random and fanciful. how do i end this pain, how do i control the urges, why do i fail in all things i wish to succeed in, including but not limited too, school, women, friends, being a brother, being a son, a grandson and whatever else there is to fail at. So now the tears start. fuck depression, no self esteem or confidence. how do i fix myself, how do i grow into the man i must become. Seeing how hard my road has been so far, the end product better fucking be worth it

Marq2

Positive conduxion
Mixed with supple condensation
Proving metaphysical means
Suing a gentle fiend
She weeps inside briefly
But sinks in its roots
To the original fluxuation
Socializing but a burden by itself
Trip inside the paper alone
But compilations of dividends
Pursue a simplistic aristocratic
Dreaming of a modern integrity
Weakened by its emotional weight
Cracking intentionally by self loathing

Empty Fear

The vibrance of a subtle motivation
Geometric in measurement but fluid
Human like in shape but hollow
Empty internally found at points
Meridians of self inflicted violence
Glimmering of life, a hunger draws
Verbally delicious but in connexion
Bland and procrastinating fervor
Tidy but filthy, just but holds a grudge
Catastrophic interpretations of metaphorical
Creates a singularity of thought
Drawn into the mosaic of integrity
Subsequently desired, dry and cold
A temptation of sorts, still
Quench the desire of sticky perspiration
Then use the malleability for a fit
Raging on pure emotion, vile intentions
He cries out in despiration of another
Calm and intense, a paradox of humanity
Its all in fear, fear of loneliness
Fear of self destruxion , self interpretation

W091005

Find myself sitting on the horn of existence
Clambering in discomfort for mild desire
And strumming of heartstring in the general
Accordance of longitudinal implications
Crossing the meridians of my whole belief
Its so deep that light not reach
Hits that point and submerges another multiple
These elastic fiber hold it all together
Drops of purity storming onto pathetic
Disdain is rampant and fragile within
Along with delicate beats of a lamenting heart
Stripped soul of confidence without a reason
Calm and collected clash with strong and protected
Interchangeable with each other in existence
Totally harmonious bones that elect the proper
That asks the important questions in death
Is it really melting to combine nor solidifying
Crashing mind blocks crumble for tranquility
Passive aggression that proves a simple point
Fading in and out of what matters instead
Concentrate humbly and listen to that broken heart
Radioactive in love, perceive it as fertile
Perhaps it is futile but me as impossible
Lick the beat of the colorful majestic
Minister the great, preach to the peach
Juggle the inflamible as if it was
And ride a tide of possible security

W091004

Orsted fiphel
Gruat uf Lefikt
Aintuub skiquzed
ktif Quik est
Zephi Pundent
Owne dye
Tekwithesp wiViL

W091003

Tell me just what you see
If you close your eyes
And think of us
Said the centipede to the
Insecurities built on respectable
Insurrexion of the nauseas
Centipede, your legs, the many
Grip them deep
When you stroll
Of gears on the sun
Massive, gears and insecurities
This doesn't make the sun respectible
She must earn such an honor
To own the respect of another
Regardless of past flares
Centipede, your legs, on titan gears
Printed on the Maxi-high label

W091002

And so it starts again
Lamenting pain, a blight of integrity
Whilst the impregnable glass slipper
Slithers majestically on this tangent
I feel no tempurature
Nor taste of flame
Bingles are to be at blame
Fucks you intentionally
Irrational in its final dispute
And it cuts o so deep
Crimps like chimps
Without the summer rain
Minor compliance compared to
Minotaur competence, lanced
Jingle jangle of this road
Desecrated to the light snow

W091001

Alone inside a sacred isolation
Gasping for a brief connexion
In his car with windows down
On a cold winters morn
Why must this torture occur
Blasting a phase of music
A turn, gazing at someone
Its as close as he comes
Windows tinted, blocks sight
Being so cold, but immune to it
Penance for past wrong doings
The cold wind forgives him
Yet he is alone, crying

MSOE 9

He goes on
Day by day
Flailing deeper
And deeper
And deeper
When it hits him
He knows it so
Crushing him
Deteriorating his will
Slicing on meridians
Segmenting the passion
But just as it is close
Something saves him
Repeating the process
Cutting more away
Time after time

MSOE 8

A single drop of blood
Escape my skin in relief
Release this feeling of life
Where pain means existence
And depression a constant
Developing into a pool
A completeness is erupted
Only to be eroded again
Dizziness comes forth
And takes its seat
As king of emotions
A single drop of tear

MSOE 7

When you are caught in transition
A freedom of heavenly proportions
As a meridian of my former self
These things happen
Transfixed in disillusions he stalks it ever so slightly
In a permanent psychedelic feature
The rotational bowed triangular eye
Representing something unbreakable
A brotherhood of unmistakables being so dear to my own heart
It brings on the white fuzzies
They float around in no direction
Compelling all to their way of life
Delayed reactionary majestic in self improvement
Spastic disbelief of the counter to their reality

MSOE 6

In double vision
I see the particles
Particularly in moving
A shimmering heat
Of a moment past
And if I watch
For ooo so long
I just might dream
Or perhaps see it grow
Its a spectacular spectacle
Epidemic in perspective
But some how seems right
A gristle of glimmering
Sweetness like no other
Shaking I spell my thoughts
In a place familiar
Not in a family sense
More of a dejevu
Still
Things do melt
If left to stare at
Always a piece of chalk
Left, used, and left again
Parallel is I
Two of us together
Defiant but incapable

MSOE 5

As slithered faced as I am
I press froth indefinitely
Engaging in cryptical bologna
Froth right righteousness
Exquisite in transition
O yes, yes it sees inside
Dripping with disdain
But overall dainty
Its as if a trail is
Walked with foresight
And forgotten after travel
String connects us all
Era after error, parched
For something of real
Distasteful in haste
She sings it
But does she mean it
Crumbling in anticipation
My spectator cries.

MSOE 4

Wind blows in my face
But my face leaks
It is impossible to tell
If it is the winds fault
That this tear falls
Or if it is someone else

To other people here
It would appear, it you
But I convince myself
That it is indeed the wind

But this is unfair
Why blame the wind

For what you have done
It would only be fair
That this tear I shed
Be on your heart

This cool breeze
Continues to remind me
Of the sadness you made
On the flank of my heart
The soft of my soul
Don't blame yourself

MSOE 3

Tangled inside of a self infliction
She trembles as if a rash addiction
Spilling a bubbling liquid
From her intangible motor vehicle
That she calls her pathetic brain

Her hair, purple and straggly
It drifts in its own personality
Encompassing a good impression
And releasing no emission

Soft is her face, delicate
A menial task that must be done
With eyes of amber, shimmering
And thin lips that seek intimidation

Purposefully they expose her
The phantom of impersonality
Scandalous on top of transverse
But it glows warmly, hardly matters

Simply thinking of a realistic
Disappearance is of normal
Sinking quick into the vortex
Of something that is but is not

I believe this one truth of all
That your freedom is essential
Because if your free in real time
You do not need control

MSOE 2

In a retrospective perspiration
Clicking quick in vast precision
A dream of integrity spills profuse decision
Sitting alone with precious preconfession
Throwing in democratic slight persuasion
Corrupted individuals of self gratification
Deciding their vector on a change of motion
Decaying eternally, a refined inspection
Plastified souls that drift in mild torsion
With a cause that requires ridiculous devotion
Some tumble introspectively depending on self combustion
Imagining a gradient soft in collision
He packs his pack in determination
It drips simply, deep in promotion
From a wound that decided in spastic incision
Created only from the flesh of division
Speaking in whole to a mass population
But degrading the masochistic relation
Seeing instantly from internal revelation
Boosting self esteem from outside position

MSOE 1

I feel hope
This sense of
Solid accomplishment
Its filling and wholesome

As I peel
Away what I once was
To step into a new era
And for once
Actually be happy

I hope so deeply
That this is honest
Feeling it grip me daily
It just feels right

Dripping with
What I assume to be
Truth, trust and chemistry
Unconditionally I follow
And give myself again

Past has shown
This is idiotic
But once more
Must I trust wholly

Proximally

Gentle melodic movements
Dripping in passion
I drink it in
And breathe a sigh of relief

Perhaps, just perhaps

How is it that immediately
She has the power
To be in my dreams
I can tell that
This is different than past

Still I daydream
And wish to read her
When can I see you again?
I wish to very proximally

She is but a stream
Strong and deep
Yet I have just stepped in
Gotten the toes wet
In the warmth of this

Deep Scar

What do you do
When your world
Suddenly turns to fire
Engulfed in hate
And sick with disgust

Do you continue
Do you flail yourself
Or do you just ignore?

How do I pass
By re-cutting
Emotional wounds
Over and over again
Until I do not feel
Do not even wince

Blocking pain simply
With the art of song
A deadly thirst
For a melody of pure
Immerse myself
First in hotter fire
Then in the love
Of a familiar sound

Do I dream of life
Yes, without pain?
I wish I could
But who would I be
With no shape
Nor form of hurt

Trying to rationalize
This unfathomable pain
Just isn't working

But I must push on
Live and let live
Happy or unhappy
For hopes of future

Freedom of Love

The freedom and liberty
It gushes with every minute
Freedom from incarceration

Suddenly a similar pattern
It erupts lightly at first
But then evolves into more
I sense nothing of worth
And know I should pass
But my desperation
It lingers so slightly


I wish no harm to anyone
But either way feelings hurt
So a classic dilemma
Eroded from years past
Do I proceed knowingly
Or save this one the pain
Of feeling my love
And loosing it
Without really owning it

And do I even want to
Forward with effort?
Draining on my soul

But kisses I long for
They never come

The beauty of this all
I have the freedom
To truly think this over
With no interruptions
Nothing to lose the groove
To disrupt my vibe
And perhaps, just maybe
I will make the correct
And save pain
Or save love
I love freedom

Myself

I, myself
A bender of word
Planner of indulgence
Into the mystical genius
Of the subconscious creativity
It flows through my body
With elegance so pure
And cryptic to all
But myself

U.H. 3

In the final moment
Will you regret your acts
Pass on your desires
And drift into insanity
Lick your lips at last
For at the end you'll die
Perspirate and vomit your truth
As painfully simple as possible
Drown yourself in self pity
Feel every ounce of my pain
And suffer in your loss
Then you will be forgiven

U.H. 2

Blinding pain from past transgressions
Paves the way for new obsessions
Taking a hint from this suggestion
To burn inside from the name mention
Sick to my stomach

U.H. 1

The taste of a devious thought,
Dripping depression lyrics brought,
Colliding backward into nothing new,
The burning pain of the few,
Singing tretchery of the past,
Hoping eternally it shall not last

Daily Thoughts of the Past 3 Weeks

It in this new low point
This valley of sanity
Dripping profusely
With the fragile scent
Of post feminine scarring
That I find that
I have nothing left
Nothing worth fighting for
Or even moving slightly
All I have is time
To sit and perspire
This sickness from my
Already morphing skin
Waiting for a new hope
Patient but anxious

The drive is gone
Mortified of showing its face
Excommunicated from thought
But rebelling in small numbers
The sickness takes over
And crushes all
Proving no cure true
My dreams absurd
Fatality of reality
Sticking to malleability
And calamity of truth
That I pass no inspections

I wonder
If for just once
That I have a day
Where I feel no pain
No wrong passed my way
And wonder also
If someone can love me
Give me all I need
Nurse me back to health
And embrace the entirety

Boris

Swiftly it combs over itself
Nonexistent but totally introspective
Shivering with a drop of tears
A manifestation of heroic fear

To wipe clear the majority
A bonified confidence is destructible
Semi relative perspective
It drips with its own blood

Satisfied with the coming undone
But not with the undone coming
It turns a new shade of gray
With permission, a fantastic blade

Introverted, it cries a new song
One of desire and intangibility
An arsonist of the soul
Tearing it up in a fit of dissatisfaction

Possibly though, not dissatisfaction
But more knowledge of superior
Gripping onto what it knows as truth
It swells with the puss of negligence

For it you should cry
But if it does not show its face
You shall not recognize its deep pain
Less relief it of such feelings

When it is in a bubble, it sings
When it is in a house, it stings
When it is in a prison, it swings
And in a false connection, it continues

The simple beast means nothing
The Lone Warrior elevated
But if Boris does not
There will never be an anything

Razor's Edge

If put at razors edge
Why do I not cut
If tied to heavy block
Why do I not resist
And if set for heart broken
Why do I continually move in?

This phenomenon plagues my life
Incinerating all hope of true happiness
But recognized, can be stopped
Questioning of just how
As I age it clears
But quickly becomes muddy again

What I crave is a rare thing
My perfect match.
I doubt any exist
But I search nonstop
Perhaps I try too hard
But this is my normalcy
I just wish it were

Dawn and Dusk

The break of dawn
I rest my head
Soft and sweet
She caresses me softly
I hope to intertwine
Glimmering inside, politely
The torque of it all
The wringing out of my heart
Pressureous and precious
Its delicate infatuation
And passionate abbreviation
Torture me past annoyance
My soul wait for her
As if aged a thousand years
But firm and adequate
Shimmering like a pearl at dusk
My heart will rest
Hopefully and skillfully
With someone my depth