Throwing up again,
Just sick with nerves,
Sleepless and recovering,
It is not what he deserves,
Love comes and goes,
So he keeps walking,
Watching every root,
Shriviling in his decay,
Another round,
Forcing its way up,
Vomit just dripping,
Sticking to the toilet,
And sadness setting in,
So he keeps walking,
Dealing with it,
One day at a time,
Like a man should.
Monday, June 25, 2012
Friday, June 22, 2012
A Very Unhappy Fellow
He buys another drink
Just to waste his life away
Sipping on gin and thinking
Who even wants to live anyways
Finishes and orders another
His addiction gets the better
Gin and juice to heal the soul
Became his motto years ago
Finishes and orders another
Slipping through his night
One gulp at a time, true
Talking to anyone he sees tonight
They pity the animal every time
But they buy one for him
So that he can make the climb
He is crying about his life
His grown children and dying wife
This is how he chooses to live
Just finishes and orders another
Just to waste his life away
Sipping on gin and thinking
Who even wants to live anyways
Finishes and orders another
His addiction gets the better
Gin and juice to heal the soul
Became his motto years ago
Finishes and orders another
Slipping through his night
One gulp at a time, true
Talking to anyone he sees tonight
They pity the animal every time
But they buy one for him
So that he can make the climb
He is crying about his life
His grown children and dying wife
This is how he chooses to live
Just finishes and orders another
Heat
Warmth, radiating from my core,
Like pouring acid into water for Molarity six,
Dripping sweat rips down my back,
Serrated beads that form rivers,
But I still sip my tea, wonder why.
Like pouring acid into water for Molarity six,
Dripping sweat rips down my back,
Serrated beads that form rivers,
But I still sip my tea, wonder why.
Who I Shall Love
May I tell you who my love will be,
A gentle soul whose force unseen,
Tender and showing in her love of me,
So please let me tell you who my love will be,
May I tell you who my love will be,
An understanding woman, conservative yet free,
Lover of thoughts, poems, music, and philosophy,
So please let me show you who my love will be,
May I show you who my love will be,
Soft eyes and flowing lock, an assumed pedigree,
Shapely yet fit because, health is key,
So please let me show you who my love will be,
May I show you who my love will be,
She will love my parents and all the family,
Start one of our own as we were meant to, see,
So now you know who my love will be.
A gentle soul whose force unseen,
Tender and showing in her love of me,
So please let me tell you who my love will be,
May I tell you who my love will be,
An understanding woman, conservative yet free,
Lover of thoughts, poems, music, and philosophy,
So please let me show you who my love will be,
May I show you who my love will be,
Soft eyes and flowing lock, an assumed pedigree,
Shapely yet fit because, health is key,
So please let me show you who my love will be,
May I show you who my love will be,
She will love my parents and all the family,
Start one of our own as we were meant to, see,
So now you know who my love will be.
Tensions
Sometimes I feel so close
So dangerously close
To forsaking all and releasing
Thrashing out, tearing, breaking,
Building that rage every day
The outlashing is inevitable
Like breaking every will
Testament, desire or need
Wrecking the roots of myself
Going lucid and rampant
While this tension tenses
Like twisting the worlds biggest
Rubber band a billion times
Pulling it taught just
And refusing it its own release
Forcing it to hold back
All of its force
So dangerously close
To forsaking all and releasing
Thrashing out, tearing, breaking,
Building that rage every day
The outlashing is inevitable
Like breaking every will
Testament, desire or need
Wrecking the roots of myself
Going lucid and rampant
While this tension tenses
Like twisting the worlds biggest
Rubber band a billion times
Pulling it taught just
And refusing it its own release
Forcing it to hold back
All of its force
A Fine Day
One fine day, as I was strolling,
Young woman came to say, "who's controlling?"
Soft and beautiful is she, I can play,
So this is what I say to she, like clay,
"Who's controlling you ask?
Dr. Rev. Dervant my dear,
What a fine day this is."
And I left her walk past
Turned back to me said she,
"Dr. Rev. Dervant? Who is he?"
I decided to explain it very clear,
"He is the one controlling you see."
Perplexed her tender face stares,
"That makes no sense so who cares."
Looking deep into her pool blue eyese,
I say, "He decided who lives or dies."
Taking a deepened breath....
Young woman came to say, "who's controlling?"
Soft and beautiful is she, I can play,
So this is what I say to she, like clay,
"Who's controlling you ask?
Dr. Rev. Dervant my dear,
What a fine day this is."
And I left her walk past
Turned back to me said she,
"Dr. Rev. Dervant? Who is he?"
I decided to explain it very clear,
"He is the one controlling you see."
Perplexed her tender face stares,
"That makes no sense so who cares."
Looking deep into her pool blue eyese,
I say, "He decided who lives or dies."
Taking a deepened breath....
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
6/20/2012
Inhale the cool dry winds
Feel it send icicles to your lungs
Calming expulsion traces out
Warmth from within my cloud
Intake again friend with focus
Feel it send icicles to your lungs
Calming expulsion traces out
Warmth from within my cloud
Intake again friend with focus
Monday, June 18, 2012
The Last Poem About You
This is the last poem I will ever write about you,
Every poem before this that has been about you,
Retracted from me all poems written about you,
Each one, joyeux or tres mauvais, it is not important,
So read this, cry every time, because you too,
And no it was love, so cry just one time.
Your kiss still upon my lips sweet lamb,
Even your hug still lingers on my chest, sweet lamb,
Unsung is my love and why i had to do this,
Near to my heart, sweet lamb, i hold you dear,
Grant me forgiveness for the suffering i caused.
Every poem before this that has been about you,
Retracted from me all poems written about you,
Each one, joyeux or tres mauvais, it is not important,
So read this, cry every time, because you too,
And no it was love, so cry just one time.
Your kiss still upon my lips sweet lamb,
Even your hug still lingers on my chest, sweet lamb,
Unsung is my love and why i had to do this,
Near to my heart, sweet lamb, i hold you dear,
Grant me forgiveness for the suffering i caused.
Monday, June 11, 2012
Hold
Hold it deep within, That's right young child,
Hold that pain until your heart will burst,
Let your critical self slash out contained,
Cutting up what you have built internally,
Burning it down and spitting on the ash,
The tears nourish the growing cancer,
Don't let them out or soul shall be claimed,
That's right, very good, feed the disease,
In or out it spreads as mold on decomposition,
"I love her, yet must let her go, for the good of us both,
I will build up a wall and seal off the memory of,
Bury it like a toxic waste I wish to bathe in daily,
But I love her!, And so this cross I must bare,
I can only hope that she can find strength,
For her burden is much for, but not I, survived,
But knowing that this is what must be done,
Gives comfort in the eyes of everyone observing,
Yet is not a supportive knowledge for the suffering."
So hold it deep within young child, that's right,
Bury it into the depth of what you conceive,
And do not allow this memory a true fight,
For a sense of calmness is yet to receive.
Hold that pain until your heart will burst,
Let your critical self slash out contained,
Cutting up what you have built internally,
Burning it down and spitting on the ash,
The tears nourish the growing cancer,
Don't let them out or soul shall be claimed,
That's right, very good, feed the disease,
In or out it spreads as mold on decomposition,
"I love her, yet must let her go, for the good of us both,
I will build up a wall and seal off the memory of,
Bury it like a toxic waste I wish to bathe in daily,
But I love her!, And so this cross I must bare,
I can only hope that she can find strength,
For her burden is much for, but not I, survived,
But knowing that this is what must be done,
Gives comfort in the eyes of everyone observing,
Yet is not a supportive knowledge for the suffering."
So hold it deep within young child, that's right,
Bury it into the depth of what you conceive,
And do not allow this memory a true fight,
For a sense of calmness is yet to receive.
6/11/12
Pressed against soft tickled tender touches,
That sickle scythe tone rakes my flesh,
Crying hysterically inside my cold heart,
To her a refractory response rests beside,
Look into that mirror dear once beloved,
See what might find you there in thought,
"Hear O deer,
one to rear,
pleasure no fear,
you lost sheep"
Said the sloth faced introspective zealot,
Wincing and wading through turmoil,
And slithering face down through slick mud,
Over obsidian shards changing the face,
Scars skitter on top of the flesh and thud,
Personality? Character? What is that in life,
"Get the fuck up you lazy mother fucker!, Who told you it was time for rest?, Who said you deserved the smallest semblance of comfort?, Or the gentle love of a flowery femme fatale?
To master the masculine art of musk,
The resolution to which must make men,
Mutton for meals masks the pain marked,
March on young man for mastication,
It does make for a fat boy mutilated,
Self critic masochistic mode forms molds.
That sickle scythe tone rakes my flesh,
Crying hysterically inside my cold heart,
To her a refractory response rests beside,
Look into that mirror dear once beloved,
See what might find you there in thought,
"Hear O deer,
one to rear,
pleasure no fear,
you lost sheep"
Said the sloth faced introspective zealot,
Wincing and wading through turmoil,
And slithering face down through slick mud,
Over obsidian shards changing the face,
Scars skitter on top of the flesh and thud,
Personality? Character? What is that in life,
"Get the fuck up you lazy mother fucker!, Who told you it was time for rest?, Who said you deserved the smallest semblance of comfort?, Or the gentle love of a flowery femme fatale?
To master the masculine art of musk,
The resolution to which must make men,
Mutton for meals masks the pain marked,
March on young man for mastication,
It does make for a fat boy mutilated,
Self critic masochistic mode forms molds.
Thursday, June 7, 2012
This week so far
This week I have been trying a new diet which is meant to detoxify my body and my mind. I have been eating only rice, eggs, and a multivitamin. I have been drinking only water and tea. I started doing stretches morning and night, and swimming when my schedule allows. I have also been working 11 hours 3 days a week and 7.5 hours the other 2 days. I have been taking bathes at night and reading "Beyond the Limits of Thought" by Graham Priest while bathing. I have also been trying to remain centered and focused for as much of my work day as I can. Just before I sleep I get into a meditative state by being mindful of my my breathing. Every night I have woken up between 2:29 a.m. and 2:34 a.m. because of the interruption of this meditative state. I will continue this lifestyle for at least the rest of the week as best I can.
I have been feeling much calmer than usual. Last night I gave good insights into an issue between one of my supervisors and another employee. I felt a noticeable difference in the thickness of the fat on my midsection, which is very likely due to the low caloric intake I have had this week. Meditative state is easier for me to attain that it has been in the past weeks, and I feel well rested when I wake up in the middle of the night. I still sleep the rest of the night though because I like the extra rest. I have also been able to observe the beauty of the world more easily this week. I look forward to any more benefits that this change in lifestyle may bring to me, and I won't be disappointed if the benefits stay as they are. I feel much better physically that I have in a while and more centered than ever in my life.
Peace,
ShaneWolff
I have been feeling much calmer than usual. Last night I gave good insights into an issue between one of my supervisors and another employee. I felt a noticeable difference in the thickness of the fat on my midsection, which is very likely due to the low caloric intake I have had this week. Meditative state is easier for me to attain that it has been in the past weeks, and I feel well rested when I wake up in the middle of the night. I still sleep the rest of the night though because I like the extra rest. I have also been able to observe the beauty of the world more easily this week. I look forward to any more benefits that this change in lifestyle may bring to me, and I won't be disappointed if the benefits stay as they are. I feel much better physically that I have in a while and more centered than ever in my life.
Peace,
ShaneWolff
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
6/5/12
Simplicity mine,
Just rice and eggs in my fridge,
Two blankets to sleep
Wrecked and raked is she,
Mutilated from past love,
Will I love again
Punishment warm pain,
Trees and grass still grow in time,
But with blood red leaves
Just rice and eggs in my fridge,
Two blankets to sleep
Wrecked and raked is she,
Mutilated from past love,
Will I love again
Punishment warm pain,
Trees and grass still grow in time,
But with blood red leaves
Sunday, June 3, 2012
On Calmness
My meditation ends gently,
Unable to move limbs,
Pulsating heart pumps,
Thick unforgiven blood,
The breath unforgiving,
Vibrations of my soul,
Rhythm with heart and lung,
Calmness, a cold mans game,
But the antithesis a,
Mistress who anticipates,
This blackened charcoal board eats away at the core like a termite about to bore through soul that I tore!
And the door,
Seeking that calmness,
Grows cold as my home in December.
Unable to move limbs,
Pulsating heart pumps,
Thick unforgiven blood,
The breath unforgiving,
Vibrations of my soul,
Rhythm with heart and lung,
Calmness, a cold mans game,
But the antithesis a,
Mistress who anticipates,
This blackened charcoal board eats away at the core like a termite about to bore through soul that I tore!
And the door,
Seeking that calmness,
Grows cold as my home in December.
Friday, June 1, 2012
Haiku attempt 1
My dear desert friend,
How's love truly a fiend's game,
When words are lost, love.
Dream of our lives now,
Dreariness consumes it all,
This must end gently.
Winter my mistress,
Why did you not stay so long,
I miss your cold winds.
People walking tall,
Living with fear at their core,
Why'd you live at all.
The heart screams cold blood,
The mind paddles through the flood,
Soul flowering bud.
How's love truly a fiend's game,
When words are lost, love.
Dream of our lives now,
Dreariness consumes it all,
This must end gently.
Winter my mistress,
Why did you not stay so long,
I miss your cold winds.
People walking tall,
Living with fear at their core,
Why'd you live at all.
The heart screams cold blood,
The mind paddles through the flood,
Soul flowering bud.
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