Recently, I have been feeling the urge and need to destruct my rigidity, both emotionally and intellectually. These urges have been manifesting in a resurgent connection between my adult ego mind infrastructure and my childhood artistic aspirations, such as drumming, writing, and painting.
During the drudgery of the modern acceptable work schedules, I find myself emotionally exhausted and a complete lack of passion for anything, thus turning me to my last untamed vice: grand strategy games. Yet on my off weeks I manage to gain enough momentum emotionally to begin to do something to improve myself, when all of a sudden the brick wall of "I work tomorrow" pops up and deflates any bit of hope you had for progress. It feels as though I am being teased with the sweet honey of happiness through emotional progress and then smashed in the face with a bag of wrenches when I get to close. Honestly though it's this last turn that I find myself unable to usurp. I feel the need to play these games because I feel as though if I can change the fate of the people of the country I play, to that of unity and oneness with the world, then maybe someone can feel that sweet honey even if they are only digital.
Perhaps this is a misplaced and pathetic attempt at compassionate actions, which has been the focus of every bit of the philosophy books I have been reading for years. Yet this would never even come close to working because thinking rationally, this is uncovered quite simply
Ok time to try to do digital art in photoshop.
