If I were to die right now

If I were to die right now,
What would I worry about?
It wouldn't matter just how,
My body would be taken.

If I were to die right now,
I can say it was a good life,
But I haven't reached my goal,
I suppose I can't die yet.

So if I were to die right now,
Never know the love of my life,
Or the children I am meant,
What kind of life would I live?

If I were to live right now,
Take control of myself,
And find out exactly how,
It will all play out for me.

Self reflexions

I once knew a man,
He lived a double life,
In one, the other in can,
Living in constant strife,
Pulled between the two,
Left him with so few,

He walked on a tight rope,
Step by step with balance,
One night he slipped,
And is now food for plants,
The slip, it wrecked her,
The her inside of him,

"How could you hurt me like that?"
"Drinking brings out my demons."
"Why can't you control it?"
"Its for us to control, not just me."
"What do you expect me to do?"
"I will heal you and then we will molt."
"Who do you think we will become?"
"That is past my knowledge, just grow."
"Where should be grow, love?"
"Compassion."

That was the last day,
He ever looked in the mirror.

First practice of Tong-Len

A wise man, talking of the practice of generating compassion towards ones self, said, "it is useful to visualize these sufferings, problems, and difficulties in the form of poisonous substances, dangerous weapons, or terrifying animals-" He was talking of the compassion towards ones self in respect to gaining a larger worldview and of self improvement spiritually.  So this is what I will try to do.

Physical suffering;
When I have pain in my gut, may I see the substance I ingested as a deadly poison,
Derived from the neurotoxin of the serpent that bore the substance.
If my joints ache from dehydration, may I observe the cause of it as a demon,
Whose ugly embrace calls me back with temptation of intoxication.
While feeling soreness of muscle after the gym, may I come to know my ignorance,
The weapon of the unwell, dying, and deceived, that slashes against truth.
When the heat in my room is great, may I come to understand my fortunes,
I have clean water, a place of my own, a private shower, and food to eat.
During times of great nausea, may I contemplate the source and recognize its nature,
As a ravenous shark swimming through my mind, never satisfied, never calm.

Mental suffering;
When I am frustrated with my education, may I step back to see reality,
Frustration here is like being blindfolded while walking through a maze.
At times that things are outside of my comprehensions, may I feel more at ease,
What inflated pride must I have to claim comprehension of everything at once.
While experiencing regression, may I come to find the strength I need within myself,
My latent memories are like a snare trap grasping at every limb of my body.
During times that I am overwhelmed, may I see the true causes of this state,
Where is laziness creeping its poisons into my life that I become so heightened.
When anxiety grips me, may I view it as an opportunity to battle an old enemy,
As my most dangerous enemy, I am grateful for what I have come to learn.

Emotional suffering;
With emotional regression, may I see this an opportunity for great change in life,
For to change this, I must change who my family sees me as, as well as myself.
When dealing with past love, may I observe negative behaviors of mine as poison,
The likes of which, while starting, during, and ending, caused many chances to learn.
At times of loneliness, may I observe my own inability for worldly intimacy, as chains,
They hold my heart back from spreading love and compassion throughout the world.
When anxious about future love, may I see this as a great barrier to my own happiness,
The barrier is high and laid in stone, but confidence in myself tears it right down.
In dealing with death, may I recognize the ignorance of my own perceptions of reality,
The likes of which a meditation on impermanence can quickly eradicate in proof of point.


So this is my first attempt at the practice of Tong-Len.  The wise man continued by saying, "the purpose of visualizing these negative and frightening forms being dissolved into our hearts is to destroy our habitual selfish attitudes that reside there."  -His Holiness the Dalai Lama.

7/19/12

It was like a scene from a movie,
Time was slow and I was alert,
I got us away from the danger,
Just to see it explode violently,

We stood upon a median while,
The rain, it poured mockingly,
Yet refreshing, calming almost,
And how she cried and cried,

I held fast and focused on life,
Making sure we survived this,
And was scolded for it after all,
Who can tell me to die, no one,

Once safe I broke down,
Nausea gripped at my emptiness,
Yet left undefeated and unharmed,
My first car accident, now past.

Tsunami

I notice that that ship has floated,
Piecing together whats left,
And it dreams of its coated,
Drop of what it still has,

Master me O serenity,
Turn me inside out,
Disaster free liquid being,
Tsunami from rain cloud,

I notice that that home is bloated,
Fractured out of its mind,
All hopes left yet emoted,
With death, but its too kind,

Master me O serenity,
Turn me inside out,
Disaster free liquid being,
Tsunami from rain cloud,

I notice that that wave had gloated,
Towering over our head,
To the water, I have been devoted,
Breath in the fluid until your dead,

Master me O serenity,
Turn me inside out,
Disaster free liquid being,
Tsunami from rain cloud.

Toward Stillness

I lay on my familiar bed,
And drop into my thoughts,
The sheet is soft, silky red,
It steals away my fraughts,
Why red, my bed, did find me,
And set my love heart free.

So lay I may, or lay I might,
To sleep or contemplate,
Get lost within thoughts, my blight,
Perhaps it is just by fate,
Whether might or blight, here is rest,
No tension or movement is my test.

No longer just lay to take my place,
Higher consciousness has arrived,
Finally relax the muscles in my face,
A new awareness I have derived,
Now face that place deep within,
A stillness of my mind begin.

To Seek is to Miss

We all seek to be happy,

We all seek that bliss,

Striving on and on,

But this will surely miss.

You can't find happiness,

You can't grasp at calm,

These things are intangible,

They don't sit in your palm.

What we all want's inside,

What we want's already there,

All it takes is awareness,

With discipline it all comes clear.

A Step On The Wheel

Spin the wheel,
Walk on top,
As you must,
Distracted you move,
Drift further on,
Your mind in flux,
Unable to find stillness,
Float your "self",
From thoughts action,
To reintegration and,
On to recontextualization,
Allow this to fill,
Your fleeting will,
Misdirection until,
You realize,
This is no way to live.

Cry

I can't cry, not even for a second,
Pain is deep within, but I can't,
Trying to force it out of me,
Never quite works right inside,

It's still lingering in my dreams,
The thought of what pains me,
Dipping into what I need,
But never comes out clean,

Pleasant thoughts drift,
Out of sight out of thought,
Out of what causes me to be,
And into the abyss of nothing.

7/4/2012

This piece of shit,
Wakes up puking,
Drinks too much,
Forcing his memories,
Up to the bottom,
Fascinated with his,
Dreams of nothing,
Still sick with desires,
And suppression of,
Real and true will,
The self is nothing,
Throwing up the dead,
Passing it on to others,
Wishing they the same,
But just diseased with,
What is consumption,

A Man's Common Problem

"I am just so proud of how your doing,
It is not an easy thing to be done,
You have so much strength in this,
And your integrity flows like water,
You've really taken control of your life,
What you are doing takes discipline,
Courage, disconnection and selfishness,
I am just so proud of what you become,
And I love you."

Demotivation is what this does.
A man is just a man is a man is man,
Why should "achievements" of mine,
Have any connotation good or bad?

Praise of what I cannot otherwise have done,
A disrespect that is intolerable,
Yet explanation of this causes pain,
Which is forbidden to man,

 So is it that we place others,
Emotions ahead of our own?
Man can handle this burden,
Because there is no validity,

In what is said to man!

So where does one start

So where does one start?
The bushes, trees, or meadows,
To find what one ought,
Be lifted from shadows,
Drought!
Panic stricken monkeys,
All tangled and unbound,
With tears that just hang,

So where does one start?
With meditation and sip tea,
To break yourself apart,
Recollect, connect and free,
But dreams,
Plaguing one with love,
Becoming the truly real
Awaking even more depressed,

So where does one start?
Fall into the escape, dear,
Jump on that band cart,
And forsake anything clear,
Death,
That shall grip soul,
Ignorant peons sing,
Finding only what is near.

Zen

The void that fills you,
Emptiness felt, yet unknown,
Peace, life is to live.