4/20/15

Hollow reverberations adrift in a shallow, dead, salty brine of a lake,
Sucking the life from the soil, bursting its breath, a moon beam,
Floating away on a limb of a once proud coniferous, asphyxiated,
Ripples from an unknown origin changing the very direction of its path,
Incurable and nearly meaningless, these patterns interrupt a primal striving,
A hope of a kind, disrupted and reconfigured, re-contextualized, reiterated,
Bled from the very being that birthed it forth and raised it up,
Quartered and drawn forth for the sake of something misunderstood.

To put this out is to never go back,
Reaching into a known snare to feel again,
Familiar and comforting yet still a vice,
Reviving and reconstructing years of work,
Only to be done again and again and again.

4/9/15

When the edge of my uncertainty shaves you away from me in a jittery pace,
            a depth of weight becomes increasingly reciprocal to that daily race,
the balances of the judge ripping me yet further from your embrace,
       with The Dream bending at its foundation shattering past each case.

I feel as though I am constantly searching for the next best idea for my own,
        personal development as a man, a husband, brother, and uncle,
whilst neglecting the only one who can truly help me reach my ideal goal for,
                                   who I am trying to be.

Then a premonition overcomes and engulfs me from behind blackly.
We delve into the schema that we are unhappy with where we are despite knowing it is really the enslavement of employment that has become the poison thorn keeping me from you.
Then the fear of leaving my family is there to truncate the growth of The Dream, too.

3/22/15

The nature of humans being good, bad, both, neither.  Valuation of individuals based on presumption and superficial characteristics.  Inherent worth and understanding not implied upon conceptualization of another.  How can our nature be that of selfishness.  Misunderstandings of Neo-Darwinian pseudo-economists perpetuating systemic oppression on the basis of all demographics else white upper middle class males. To really cause change. What must be done.  I wish only to live in a world where people are honest, willing to grow as a person, open to novelty, and willing to abandon any assumptions proven false or obsolete.

3/3/15

The wounding rift of her insecurity, prescribed by my inattentive self preservative tendencies, has begun to experience healing in flux but is predetermined by the ability of my own emotions to self coagulate.

Frigid ignorance, causing the crystallization of an ill informed vector, to be as a frothy snow upon the majesty and magnificence of the vast taiga that was discovered to be her understandings.

I had a friend tell me that I should write for a living, I had my partner tell me that I should teach for a living, I had my family tell me to work a respectable profession for a living, I must tell myself to be happy for a living and do all I can to radiate good vibrations to all I interact with.  How can I best serve my fellow man? How can I pass on my understandings to positively affect change for the future?

More to come.

2/25/15

A man must fail an additional 100 times,
Simply to understand why he failed the first.
A genius is a man who can in 99.

But if I was so dumb, I'd need 101,
Well, goddamn, that'd be just fine.

The twist.

Sweet kiss of winters wisp,
Thinking their would be a reason,
As I float through the amniotic pill,
When a fish swallows a hook too deeply, instinctual,
The winds know of what I do with her,
Caustic prevention,
What tree grew them,

Where was this organism,
Sapping away my heart slowly,
Even one thing to keep me from acting,
That for a time was a blessing,
The guts come bursting forth without any shame,
While there, a cool breeze tickles,
Nihilistic salvation,

Realist iconization,
The nourishment of it,
My heart belongs to another,
From professing my love to you.
The puss-oozing shattered heart,
Staring into my pooling tears a gentle I Love You,
As a reminder that Winter is still to come.

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2/18/15

How is it that we come to love someone outside of ourselves before we even know if we can love ourselves? I have been in a relationship with my wife for just over 2 years now and have discovered new depths of love that I never before had any inclination existed within human capacity.  She has shown me how and why she loves me every day since we started on our journey and yet I feel there is a deeper love that is growing every day.  I thought myself to be of a stable and constant function with direction and purpose fueled by an understanding of compassion and love, only to be daily schooled in the emotional arts.  Still I feel a near total lack of understanding of how to express my own emotions and to communicate how and why I feel the way I do.  The poetry of my life has been absent for quite some time because it was always rooted in a wallowing within my own self pity and a deranged relationship with the remainder of humanity.  I have been shown and made to feel love in this new and exciting way and it has forced me to face the facts of the previous statement and to analyze where these feelings come from and why I have allowed them to be the prime current of my creative thought for the majority of my life.  I feel things in my life changing through conscious effort of my own and of my loving partner, things that display love for her and for myself in ways I had previously rejected on false premise and self exclusion.  I have the desire to show her my love and my new found understanding of life but yet lack the ability to communicate it in a way that I can agree with, else I find myself weeping and absent of any cognitive ability and it is only to her face that I fear I cannot disrobe my inner self without being in that state.  I am trying to become better at communicating how I feel to her, and about her, but I find myself with constant excuse though none are adequate.  I must discover what is the primary cause of my anxieties and fully explore the intricacies of their irrationality in order to reconcile with them and to finally put them to rest with the respect that they deserve for having guided me so far into this life.

More to come.